Tonight at UCBLA (5919 Franklin Ave.) at 9:30PM, come check out “Paul Welsh Goes to a TED Conference”. Buy tickets here: http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/performances/view/28291
TED talks are about ideas worth spreading. TED Conferences are super expensive and attract people from all over the world hungry for a chance to talk about those ideas. You know, like past TED attendee Goldie Hawn.
But this show is not expensive ($5!) and gives you the chance to find out how to take advantage of Eyeless Wednesdays at Chili’s (hint: sorry dude, you can’t have eyes!). This show is about what happens when the ideas that are worth spreading are all gone and only the real garbage remains.
Goldie Hawn will not be there, but you should be. See you tonight!
This Thursday 05/09 at UCBLA (5919 Franklin Ave, LA, CA, 90028), come check out "Paul Welsh Goes to a TED Conference" at 9:30PM. The show is 30 minutes of characters giving TED talks, and is a look at what happens when all the ideas worth spreading are gone and only the self-importance remains. Come laugh as six garbage people give you their best.
A regular TED conference would cost you thousands of dollars and you’d inevitably have to pretend not to laugh while Arianna Huffington’s brother talks about identity and being the CEO of a successful anti-circumcision campaign called “Very Circumstitious”.
This one will only cost you $5 and you’ll get to laugh at that very same guy. That guy’s a weirdo, right? Very Circumstitious? Come on, man.
And you’ll finally find out the answer to one of life’s most challenging questions: what do Gandhi and a baby in a lobster pot have in common?
It’s paired with Amy Heidt’s “A Problem Like Maria”, and you’ll have a good time. Kindly buy your tickets here and Amy Heidt and I will make you laugh on Thursday at 9:30: http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/3343.
This Thursday 02/28 at 8PM, you should come to UCBLA (5919 Franklin Ave, 90028) for “Paul Welsh Goes to a TED Conference” (reservations: http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/performances/view/26684).
You all know what TED talks are, right? From how to harness the elusive elements of your own genius to a couple of minutes on how you can turn your garbage into a pair of jeans - TED is your one stop shop for ideas worth spreading.
But this show is about what happens when all the ideas worth spreading are gone and only the self-importance remains. So come laugh at fake TED talks by six people who have no business teaching you anything, but are giving it a shot anyway.
Spoiler alert: you’ll also learn once and for all why an eagle can never be your best friend. This kid sure did.
So this Thursday at 8PM treat yourself to something new, Los Angeles, after all you shouldn’t be hiking after dark and that pop-up taco spot you’ve been meaning to try will probably still be there Friday.
It’s just like Mark Antony said: Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your Wednesday night (10/31) at 6:30PM to come to the UCBLA to see my new solo show.
It’s called “Paul Welsh Goes to a TED Conference”. It’s directed by UCB great Amanda Sitko and I hope you’ll come and enjoy. (tickets: http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/1693).
It has everything you’ve ever wanted in a show but didn’t know to ask for: a kid who doesn’t speak English who also has no eyes, a Franco-African street artist that shares a name with famous French actor Gerard Depardieu, a guy who got scurvy from trying to live on a diet of whiskey and corn chips. And much more!
The show is about what happens when TED is all out of good ideas worth spreading and only these guest lecturers remain:
Derek Rivers - former vacuum cleaner salesman and the organizer of the 30th Annual TED Conference
Gerard Depardieu (not that one) - semi-anonymous Franco African street artist
Bud Carlyle - 3rd most popular personal trainer in Dallas
Barriano Stassinopoulous - leading advocate for the foreskin recovery movement
Marcello - an eyeless Italian youth whose eyes were stolen by an eagle
Kim - maestro, alcoholic, stroke victim
So if you’ve got some time tomorrow night, come on out to UCBLA and lend me your laugh. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
You shouldn’t be out for Halloween anyway. Remember what Mr. Weir told Lindsay and Sam happened to his friend who was too old to go out for Halloween but did anyway (he died). Don’t let that happen to you!
Small addendum to LA post:
Also, while I find them delicious, there are too many avocados.
And like Buster Keaton in a non-existent British sketch show about Parliament, it is dry as fuck.
Los Angeles is pretty great. It is warm and sunny during the day and kind of cold at night. Not New York-in-winter-check-your-balls-to-make-sure-they’re-not-purple-cold, but cold enough for a jacket. People in your apartment building introduce themselves to you and expect you to care, which takes some getting used to because you see them again and they make eye contact with you and address you by name. It turns out this is not the worst thing to ever happen, and is actually kind of nice. Not get together-a-group-and-start-a-block-party-so-we-can-get-to-know-each-other nice, but nice nonetheless.
There are lots of people in those long slinky hats that I don’t think have a name. The kind that always look like they’re falling off and were lifted from a wardrobe box outside a White Stripes video shoot.
LA is home to a noticeably high concentration of neck tattoos.
Maybe it’s just because I’m not used to driving yet, but there’s a ton of road rage. Last week, I casually shook my head at a lady who didn’t turn left in a decent sized break in traffic. When we both turned, she pulled up alongside me to call me a stupid asshole and I told her to choke on a cock. Seemed like we both enjoyed ourselves there.
There are marijuana dispensaries everywhere which is not personally appealing, but appears to make a world of difference for the TCH-inclined. I’ve yet to find the dispensary where they distribute the BMWs and dogs that everyone seems to have, but I’m still pretty new.
Parts of Hollywood are sad, broken dream-y and not wholly unlike Times Square. Sort of conceptually interesting, but practically unappealing. Delusion can be really fun to observe from a reasonable distance, so I appreciate that.
People are really excited to talk to you about what they’re working on, but there seems to be a whole lot more napping and taking of lengthy lunches than is accepted elsewhere. Which is pretty great, because you can throw a nickel and find really cheap and delicious tacos. I’ve depended on word of mouth recommendations up to this point, but I’ll probably engage the toss a nickel strategy soon as to not make a liar out of myself.
There is an Olympic-sized swimming pool in my neighborhood that I can swim in during the day. It’s outside and it’s February and, man, there is nothing wrong with that.
Walking anywhere, even a few blocks, seems to elicit stares and confusion, but driving short distances feels like a lot of work. I still walk a lot. In fact, just this morning I was on my way back from a hike and just as I turned the corner back onto my street, a fat orange fell directly on top of my head.
So there are also orange trees, and I’ll drive everywhere eventually, but I’m still adjusting.
My solo show is going up at UCB on Thursday 05/12 & Thursday 05/26 at 8PM. Both times I’m paired with Abbi Jacobson’s “Welcome To Camp”.
Abbi and I took Becky Drysdale’s solo show class together last summer and I’m real excited to be paired up with her. Ninety minutes of funny and strange.
Also, HOLY SHIT. Matt Mayer make-a nice postcard!
Reblogged for Paul Welsh.
Well duh Theodore Roosevelt is more of a hard ass than 50 Cent.
That man rode a Moose for gods sake.
He ended this speech by saying something like “Ladies and Gentleman, I don’t know if you fully understand that I have just been shot, but it takes more than that to kill a bull moose.”
Ladies and Gentleman, I don’t know if you fully understand that everyone in modern history you’ve thought was cool is interesting bullshit in comparison.